If you love someone, you let them go. If they don’t return, they weren’t a Boomerang!

How many times how we heard the saying?  Well, it’s not exactly as mine, but you all know it.  If you love someone and let them go, but they don’t return was it REALLY Never meant to be?

You love your dog but live in an apartment.  You couldn’t provide the adequate room for it to run & play - would you give it away?  If you did and it didn’t return to you, was it never meant to be your pet?  Didn’t you let it go because you loved it and wanted better?   No, a dog isn’t someone but keep following my random thoughts.  Maybe there is some kind of point in here somewhere, but who knows with my gibberish. 

If you love (_____) and let it go, but it didn’t return. Was it never meant to be???

What about when I loved my grandmother/father, etc. and I had to let them go?  I think we can probably all agree that doesn’t mean it wasn’t meant to be.   For the 12 weeks, I carried my Landon and had to let him go, but I believe he was meant to be.  Even though I had to let them go, I still love them!  As much as it hurts, they will not return to me. 

My daughter’s mother had to let her go…..maybe she couldn’t afford to feed her, maybe she was forced by her parents, husband, etc. or had no choice for any unknown reason.  If my GiGi doesn’t return to her biological mother, was it never meant to be?  GiGi will always be my daughter, but I cannot deny the fact that she is only mine because her mother had to let her go.  Does that make me second best?  I hope not!

And I guess I’ve been studying too much Chinese:

The Invisible Red Thread 

"An invisible red thread connects those destined to meet, regardless of time, place, or circumstances. The thread may stretch or tangle, but never break." 

 -Ancient Chinese Proverb

I think that we have so many red threads, whether it is the pet you let go, the love you let go, the loved one that passed before us, the child we never met, or anything you wish to fill in the blank.   I think that we were supposed to cross paths with these people and that we are connected together.  No matter how tangled or far they go, we are still connected in some way. 

Have you ever thought about standing in God’s shoes and putting yourself in the blank? 

God:  I love (name).  He/she loves me and I let him/her go…………..

Do you think He ever thought about what would happen when He let us go and gave us free will?   God gives us all free will and has let each of us “go” to live our lives as we wish.  He could have made us puppets, but we have choices.  He didn’t let us go because He did not love us.  He sacrificed everything to be with us!  He let us go, but what we do is our choice!  He loves each of us and wants each of us to return to Him!  For the ones that chose not to return to Him, my heart breaks, but that doesn’t mean you weren’t meant to!

When you love someone, you may need to let them go.  All will not return.  No matter if they return or not, you still love them.  If they don’t return, I believe you were supposed to meet – it was meant to be!  With some, you know they will never return to you.  With some, we may never know when or if paths may cross again.  With some, we may be privileged enough to visit even if they don’t return as we had hoped.  However, I believe the red sting will not break nor stop the love!

If you love someone, you let them go.   If they don’t return..................................  you still love them and want the best no matter how much it hurts, but to me that doesn’t mean it wasn’t meant to be!

Think about my rambling for a bit……what do you think?

Half-Christian Philosophy

I realize that this post should be much longer because it sorta touches on a subject that is hard to relay in a few sentences. Since Niki and I have started this journey, we have made mention that this was God's calling for us. It is our small way in which he can use us to make this place more like the kingdom in which was written about long ago than the state of affairs that confront us today. I have pondered a thought and tossed it around in my head for a long time. It has lead me to a conclusion that is difficult to express without upseting the apple cart, but in our (Niki and I) brief peroid of this journey, I have discovered that it is the people that you would expect the least from are the people that will support you the most. These are the people that don't have the financial means to give, but they do their best to help you. They don't mind letting you know that what you are doing is making the word a better place. They will tell you their stories that intertwine with the road you are on. They really get the concept of "love your neighbor as you love yourself". What amazes me is not that these people understand the foundation of Christiantiy, but they do so in a way that should make us "Church" folks ashamed. We get so rapped up in the dogmatic principles of the behavoir of Christians that we don't even realize that we are "playing house" with the Kingdom that Christ gave to us. We know the right scripture. We are sure that we have one for everything that we do to worship God, but we let the concept of serving the least among us fly right over our heads. So you tell me who is better off, or who is more pleasing to God. Is it the person that can cite every verse as to the proper worship on Sunday morning,but has no compassion for his fellow man (and I am talking about a compasion that acts and is not stangnant) or the person that might be ignorant of the "five acts of worship", but will open his heart to the lest of us? During this strange and stressful journey, I have met many folks. Some of whom I'm sure that have a much different take on the Holy Scriptures than I have. Some have lifestyles that are not in line with the Bible. Some don't even know that Christ died for us to set us free from sin. Some I'm not even really sure what they believe- much less what they do in their daily walks of life. But, there is definately a group of people out there that will help you when you need a lift. They stop on the side of the road when some one is in need. They interact with the "poorest" members of their congregation. They are the first in line to give whatever they have to someone who is is need. They understand the meaning of loving your neighbor as you love yourself. They see no distinction in the social classes. They are just there to help. These peope act like Christ, even though they don't even really know him. They have so little to give, but they give all. We often feel contempt for them because they live a life that contradicts our ideal, but they are the ones that will give of their time and money to help a cause they feel is worthy. Are they (in their sin) somehow supposed to be worse off than the person that does "the book, chaper, and verse" and pats you on the head and says that they hope everything works out for you in your struggle (and does nothing)? I can't really answer that question, but it seems that they are sorta on equal ground. Over the last few months, I have been a observer of people. I have made a conscience effort to pay attention to the world around me. I think that a situation which has been occuring the past few days will pretty much sumarize what I am hopeing to convey. A strange looking "homeless" man has been traveling hwy 45 for the past few days. He seems to make his way through here every year about this time. The other night, Niki and I stopped to talk to him and see if he needed anything. We only talked for a few, brief moments, but in that time period I came to the conclusion that he is probaly half crazy. It is the "uncrazy" side of him that got my attention. He said in essence that materialism distorts our view of Christianty to the point that we fool ourselves into believing we are following God when we are more concered with the toys of this world. In my observation of him over the past few couple of days I found that several people stopped to talk to him. I would suppose that they were trying to give him some food or money. Who knows? But the interesting thing to me was the "type" of people who stopped. I saw about 5 cars stop. None and I mean NONE of the people who stopped were driving cool, stylish vehicles. They were the people that really didn't seem,from all apperances, to have much to give. If you have lived outside of the rock for any length of time,you know the people that will stop to help. (In school) they are usually not the popluar kids. In adulthood, they are not the popular ones. The people that will help you are the ones that know what it means to need help. On our way home from the flea market this weekend, Niki and I were talking. She made a statement that I'm sure will stick with me forever. I believe what she said sums up what I have dicovered on our adoption journey. She stated that she would rather be busting her but at the fela market and scratchin for ever dollar and see the world for what it is than have financial weath and be oblivious to the real world around her. I couldn't have said it better. ~Phil

TFM

We will be at the TFM on Saturday and Sunday.  Thanks to an unwelcomed bug we will not be there today.  Hope to see you there!

UPDATE!!!

Nervousness. That strange looking word probably best describes my feelings the last few weeks. My personal code typically dictates that I will be carefree and not allow stress to take over; but, man, it has been one of those weeks!!! Colt fell, hit his head, and had to be hospitalized. The doctors ran a CT, EEG, and MRI (everthing came back ok, but he still suffered a concussion and is having to deal with all of the fallout from that- dizzyness, headaches, mood-swings, etc.) Macy Jade has a sinus infection and feels bad. It is pretty stressful to have on child in the hospital and have to take the other one to the doctor. I totally realize that our woes are small beans compared to what others are going through, but that doesn't make it any less stressful. Niki is sick and trying to keep everything together, running on almost no sleep in 4 nights. All of these things make me nervious and stressed. Another thing lurking in the back of my mind the last few weeks is "what if the whole adoption thing falls through?". Believe me, it happens. I love my little girl and I want to get her ASAP. But really nothing was offical. It was totally up to the Chinese government to accept or reject our family as a suitable home for Gi Gi Dahl. And as I mentioned before they don't have to accept. So much was riding on all of the work done to get us to this point. "Should we have done this differently?" "Do all of the numbers line-up?" "What about the wording of this or that?" I think God knows when we are doubting ourselves and he knows the correct timing and order of critical things. I have felt all along that this is our calling and we are following his will for us and on Wednesday Niki got an email from the agency. CHINA RECOGNIZES OUR FAMILY AS THE ADOPINING FAMILY OF GI GI DAHL!!!! Friday, we opened the mailbox to find a packet that on the front page read: Congratulations on your new daughter! At that moment peace filled my soul. We now must finish some paperwork in the States and will soon get the honor of traveling to China and stand before the Courts and getting our little girl. In a way, I feel that one phase of this journey is coming to a conclusion, but the most life changing is just begining. Please pray for us as we travel on.

Phil~

 

Trivial Pursuits

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness (or Happyness for you Will Smith fans)." These famous words were written by a very famous person, probably a Madison, Jefferson, or Adams (they were all pretty busy around that period of history). These words are forever etched in our memory as the Declaration of Independence. They form the basis of our "Rights" as Amercians. They are pretty important- even if we don't really realize it. The only hang-up I have with this declaration is in the "pursuit of happiness" part (Life, Liberty- no problem). But, I have finally figured out that to pursue being happy is futile. It is "chasing the dragon", or better yet....like chasing a cat. Now I'm a dog guy, but I have always been fasinated by watching cats. A house-cat is like a miniature lion. Watch one. They move the same. They stalk prey the same way. When I was a little kid, we had a couple of cats (Tom and Jerry). The one thing that I remember about them is that when my brother and I would try to catch them to play, they would run away. Cats are like that. But if we left them alone or ignored them and found something more interesting to do, they would be in our face in a second. They liked to play but it had to be when 'they' wanted. Cats like human contact..... on their own terms. Happiness is alot like chasing a cat. When we desire it so much and focus solely on catching it, it becomes all the more allusive. We "chase the cat". We try to find happiness in all the things that are supposed to make "us" happy. We get a great job with the great education that we have been laboring on. We work harder and longer to chase the dollar, because this will make us happy.....right? When I ask my students at school what they most want out of life, the answers vary a bit but, they are all pretty much "I want to be happy" (even if they don't realize THAT is what they are saying). They say stuff about being a ______ (fill in the blank with any profession that makes over 100K a year). They talk about cars and having a great house and finally getting to make their own decisions, etc. We as adults do the same. We want so much to discover what will make us happy. We read books, go to seminars, get promotions at work, a bass boat, 4 wheeler, a tan, lose 20 pounds, a pair of Keens, pecks, abs, Lucky jeans, a girl's night out, a boy's night out, a smart-phone, a dumb girlfriend, but we stilllllll aren't really any happier than when we began. These things can be fun and who in the world doesn't like to have a good time??? I basically act like a 12 year old most of the time and it is GREAT (for me!) But these things don't bring happiness. Not the happiness that leads to a fufilled life. Not the happiness that we long for so much. We look, but we never seem to find that true inner peace. We find things that satisfy for a while, but boredome soon takes over. If our car has leather seats, we soon want "heated" leather seats. And so it goes with the "Pursuit of Happiness". But during this adoption process I have learned a "really big" (as David Lipe would say) truth: When we try to persue what will make "us" happy, we eventually nose-dive. But when we forget about "us" for a while and find something more interesting and important to do, happiness (like the cat) will soon be in our face. The apostle Paul wrote in his letter to the Christians at Phillippi- "Each of you should look not only at your own interests, but also the interests of others (Phil 2:4). He was basically telling them that "they" weren't the only ones to be concerned with. Putting yourself and what makes "you happy" first is not the formula for happiness or contentment in life. He went on to write that "I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is like to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation" (Phil 4:12). I think this was not only meant to change them, but meant to change us. He (through God) was telling us a little secret that they don't tell you in $230 self-help conferences. If you want to find happiness, stop worring about what makes you happy and give yourself to the service of others. Go out of your way to be a servant. We can all do it and everyone's roll is different. It won't gain you points in the social circles and people will never ask for you autograph, but you will find happiness and peace when you forget you are looking for them. Gi Gi Dahl Smith has taught me what it is to be happy. Funny thing is that I've been so busy, I forgot that I was even looking. -Phil

God is unbelievable!!! We are So excited!!! :0)

Phil and Niki Smith are proud to announce that they are zealous parents of an 18 month old girl!!!!!!!!  :0)
What can I say, but WOW!  God is so Great at all times, but we are in awe of Him right now!  Our entire family is SO happy!  Her name is GiGi Dahl (silent h - pronounced Dall; not everyone seems to be familiar with this name) Smith.

GiGi is 18 months old and was abandoned when she was 5 month old in the bathroom entrance of a plaza.  She has been in the orphanage since. She has been diagnosed with Scoliosis and is missing a few ribs.  Dr. Marta (our pediatrician) says her scoliosis is moderate.  LeBonheur Children's hospital (about 1 hour from us) specializes in this and does a surgery with titanium rods for children with scoliosis. And every 4-6 months, the rods have to be lengthened since children grow so quickly.  GiGi also may have to have a titanium rib placed, but we will really not know exactly what all she will need until she gets here to the U.S. They sent x-rays and pages of medical information, but until a doctor her can see her and look at x-rays done here they don't know for sure.

GiGi's diagnosis is a little more than we had originally planned on taking with a child & we were going to adopt 2 children with one trip. After many, many prayers GiGi is our child! Since she will possibly  have several surgeries a year, we will  not adopt another child at this time due to time and possible extra finances associated with her medical. I know not everyone understands why in the world we would adopt a child with medical conditions like this and it's not for everyone. A lot of people praise us for what we are doing, but we honestly don't see it as that big of a deal to adopt a child like GiGi. She is our child  and we all take care of our children. It's not exactly a choice and sure you want your kids to be healthy in all ways, but it is our calling and she is our baby girl. We have been blessed with 2 biologically beautiful healthy intelligent children and now blessed with a child born in our heart!  We always wanted to adopt a special needs child that can lead a normal life with the needed medical intervention -> surgery/medicines/therapies/etc. that we can provide for her. This child will be no different than Colt and Macy Jade are to us  now with our love, care, etc..  Did I mention  - We are all excited! 

We still have to get all our information translated in Chinese and wait on approval from the Chinese government to invite us to come get her. This is the HARD part! How do we leave OUR child in an orphanage for months? It breaks our hearts!!!  Colt and Macy Jade cried for her!   However, we knew that we would have to wait on her when we started the road to adoption and it's not in our hands!  Our adoption agency told us that it would likely be 3-6 months before we travel to China to get our GiGi angel once our Dossier is completed - we are so close to being there!  PLEASE PLEASE pray for GiGi!!!!  We cannot stand the thought of our child in an orphanage, but we have no other choices!

I'm so very proud of Colt and Macy Jade!  They were the very first ones to claim her as "ours".  Macy Jade came to me asking about her baby sister.  I tried to explain that at that time we were still in prayer to make sure she was our child.  Colt overheard and demanded she was his baby sister too!  I think this was the answer to our prayers speaking the loudest!  They had never claimed any other child as "their sibling".   They immediately loved her as they do each other even with only seeing her picture!  They talk about her all the time and pray for her each day!  Macy Jade has asked for a Chinese babydoll for her birthday.  She said it would be her GiGi until we were able to physically get her!  Macy Jade explained how she would take this baby doll around and sleep with her to feel closer to GiGi!  They are amazing kids and I know GiGi has wonderful role models to follow in their footsteps!  She is going to be so rotten! 



I think GiGi will fit in perfectly with our family! I've never seen our kids so emotional and immediately in love as they are with her! They HAD to have a picture where they were on the page and GiGi was on the page so they cut and pasted picture of them and GiGi on a page.  I cannot post pictures of her on the web yet until we get clearance from the adoption agency.  Her little face is just precious; we love her so much- of course we do; she is our child! Macy Jade said "Oh mommy she has my nose!" :0) How could she NOT be our child??? We love her; we love her; we love her!!!!!  Praise be to God!  THANK YOU! and Thank you to all of you for all of your prayers!  Please continue to pray; we would LOVE to have GiGi before the year is over!  What better Christmas gift????

I wanted to share to you all our excitement!  Thank you for all of your support!


Love In Christ!
Niki

^"Then were there brought unto him little children, that he should put his hands on them, and pray: and the disciples rebuked them.  But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven.  And he laid his hands on them, and departed thence."

Matthew 19:13-15 (KJV)

Talking the Talk

For all of you young, willing writers out there: I have but one piece of advice (this is more or less what they will tell you at every writing conference, in every writing book, etc.). Writing is a verb. Seems simple doesn't it. Every school-kid knows that "writing is a verb". This verb is often confused with the "talking" verb. They seem so different, don't they? Ask any elementary (or high school or graduate class) what they had rather do- write or talk- and I'd be willing to bet that, given the choice, most (as in 100%) would lean toward the talking option. It is alot more fun. But even the serious student of writing has this confusion from "day one". They will most always blend the "writing" in with the "talking". What does this mean? For even the most passionate novelist in training, writing is often talking. Most folks get pretty skilled at telling you (and definately, other writers that share the same passion) what they "are going to write". It is really fun. You talk about the books that you are going to write, the songs you are going to write, the screenplays you are going to write, the articles you are going to publish. You talk about the mood of your novel, the writers you admire, what is lacking in the movies that are at the cinema, your theory on why a certain type of story has been closed out by the main stream, why music stinks today compared with the poets of long ago. But in the end it all amount to a bunch of talking and not much (if any) writing. Converstation between friends fades quickly and is rarely the stuff of historical significance unless it is written. The written word changes everything. If I had done the hard work and written most of the things that I had talked about writing, volumes would be in my collection. It might not be great, but it would BE (as in exist). Talking is great. The majority of my personal break-throughs have come by my talking with a trusted friend, but they have been just that- personal. They have not really benefited society. There is a distinct difference between changing my mind and changing "things". It is probally at this point that you (if you have not fallen asleep) are asking yourself "what in the world does this have to do with this whole story I'm following!"" I'm not some girly poet. I don't need a seminar on geek stuff."

But I have sorta noticed that "doing good" (or charity) is alot like what I've been talking about with the "writer's delima". Have you ever said (something like) if i had a million dollars like Brittney Aguilera, I'd build a hospital or really afordable coffee shop? It is fun to talk about the thing we "would" or "are going to do" if we had tons of cash; but a hospital probaly cost a good bit of money( even if we had a million or so) and while most us haven't developed a lean because of the weight of our wallets, we have more than a few dollars to rub together, but yet a few bucks in the coffers of the homeless is totally out of the question (let's hear it for run on sentences!!!! Faukner fans....anyone?.....anyone?)

Point I'm trying to make is that it is easy to talk about the good we are going to do, the lives we are going to change, the books we are going to write, the person we are going to help- it's a whole different matter in the actual doing of our grand deeds. The doing is HARD, seriously, it is hard. I struggle with this stuff everyday. I dream of making my mark on the world. I wan't to leave this place a better place, but man, Judge Judy is really letting them have it!!!!!!!!!! Where was I? It is really easy to get distracted.

Think about it.

Phil