Woe, the shots fire from all directions some days! Remember, honest posts, raw emotions, & putting it all out there! I'm not turning back, quitting or slowing down any -- not even thinking that way or doubting for a second! However, I'm human & a flawed human! I don't do great things; I'm doing nothing that others haven't done! Anyone can follow God's challenging calls & do His will! God could have called anyone on this mission but He chose us! I think God not only called Guan Ya to be in our lives, but He called us to be in Guan Ya's life!
Anyone of you or another can walk out on blind faith - it's not easy & others will probably think you are crazy! Blind faith isn't usually about doing what seems sensible; it isn't about having all the answers. And if you do take this leap of faith, He doesn't promise easy & I never expected easy!
Moses tried to bargain & persuade God as he didn't think he was good enough. This wasn't Moses' idea or plan; it was clearly God's plan! Moses' excuses:
I'm a nobody
I don't have all the answers
Someone could do it better
I can't do it
--I definitely related to all the above as we started this mission.
Years may have passed since the time of Moses, but some things haven't - how people try to deal with God's callings!
Guess what? Even with all the excuses, God didn't change his mind with Moses nor us! I don't expect Moses' 40 years in the wilderness was easy either but he fulfilled his ministry! Moses was a man with a calling in his life. Moses had sin & was not perfect! He was called to lead the Israelite out of Egypt. Though Moses, God was fulfilling His purpose Moses was just the chosen one to carry out the mission. We are all called for different missions; we just have to listen, believe, & follow!
What I didn't realize about this journey is that I'd better not take my big girl panties off....not even to wash them....not even a quick hand wash! I guess I'll be showering in these big panties the rest of the days!
I'm going to start with the bad & ugly so I can end on a good note! Maybe That will make me feel better as I sleep!
The things I never thought would happen in this process. I NEVER thought that others would try to sabotage & get our adoption aborted! I mean that honestly never even crossed my mind - maybe I'm naive. I'm not going into specifics about this, but some of the ones you expect to find support & understanding from are the very ones that so shocked me! I cannot believe people will ask to help you & fish for where you need help or your weaknesses only to use your kryptonite to doom your family!
As humans we all tend to say things we shouldn't but wow some of the things cut deep! I've said my fair share of hurtful things & things I shouldn't say. I'm sure I've injected my opinions on "what would be best" for another when I should not have said. I really really try hard not to do this, but I've noticed that the way I word things can sometimes come across the wrong way. I've had several to try & completely discourage us, scare us away, make us feel completely incompetent, & just say plain hateful things about us following God's will.
I've found myself hesitant now to even publicly state we are adopting again - Much less go into details about our amazing & wonderful daughter without first being asked! Don't think for a second that means I'm doubtful or ashamed of our daughter in any way! No WAY NEVER!!! Yes, I still write about it & maybe it's easier for me to articulate with writings as I can use the delete or backspace when I realize I've said something I should not have said.
As I say that, I want you to know that we can handle the truth & "what ifs" & uncertainties of Every detail about adopting our daughter that is older & deaf-mute! We know this is not the easy path! We know that others think we are absolutely crazy! We know others think we are incompetent! All I can think about is this: As long as I'm following my Lord, that is all that matters! I have to answer to Him one day. If you aren't a Christian, I pray for you & I doubt you can understand this "crazy" way of thinking! I pray that you can one day find the peace & understanding that we've found! I've never felt so comfortable & so much harmony - and I've never been so broke (lol)! It's only through Him that we are who we are today!
Something I really try to pray hard about is the things I say to others. When I get hurt by another, I must remember that my tongue can cut deep! I try to think before I take an action, tell another what "I" think they should do, or try to stop something they are doing....especially if they say they were led by God. We are not all led in the same way so there is no way for another to decide where God is leading you! If I cannot be of help in information (I'm not saying only paint the pretty picture - not at all!) or say something nice then I need to remember to say nothing at all if it is only hurtful!
We are all humans so as I feel beat down by the words of others, I continue to remind myself that I am also flawed & God loves everyone of us! I pray for God to help me forgive even if it is not asked for! I will admit that through this process, the ugly darts have been aimed at me which makes it easier for me to forgive & go on! It's when "Momma Bear" comes out that I have a hard time!
God has called us to begin this journey with Guan Ya soooooo if YOU don't agree or don't like it please just don't share it with me. I'm not going to give you a human reasonable answer,because all I can tell you is all I know.......God led us on this path! No matter what others tell us, We are following God's plan anyway. A lot of negativity & discouragement doesn't do anyone any good!
We are absolutely determined to give Guan Ya the very best that is available. That does not mean she will live in a mansion or have the name brand clothing or have all the electronics or most popular "thing". No, but she will have our unconditional love & forever family & she will know about God's love & how Christ has died on the cross for our sins! AND she will have the best that we can give her with language & communication (meaning yes, both she & we will all learn!) Yes, we may be tired, but nope we aren't giving up & we will always put in the time & energy to learn what we need to. It will not happen overnight, but neither did the Arc!
The venomous strikes burn, but God has placed so many more encouraging others in our path! I cannot tell you how many have touched us in our short period of time of announcing our 2nd adoption! I've been astounded at the number of you that have given us wonderful guidance, prayers, references, advice, time, offerings, & most of all - shown love toward us & our Guan Ya! To me, those are the greatest moments & many times, they have brought me to tears as you show your loving cores!
I've had several that would talk to us honestly & openly about what to expect or how things may be! I've had messages/calls of offerings, of prayers, items we could use or that Guan Ya could use - from articles of clothing, snacks, teen magazines, craft supplies, accessories, & more (If I left out something specific that has been offered, I'm getting really tired & appreciate everyone of you more than you could know!) I've had suggestions for help & several that have expressed a great interest in learning sign language.
As I said, I'm getting tired & I guess I should have started with the good & best so I could tire out on the bad, ugly! lol So many have touched us but I would like to share with you one time in particular.
There are 3 very special girls that are a mess I will admit. They are sometimes loud & honest & might embarrass you by stating the truth. However, I've always loved them & admired the ladies they are becoming! This weekend as they were helping & pampering Macy Jade, we began to talk about Guan Ya. They were so excited the more I talked about our precious daughter & the more I told them about what I knew of her. They started telling me how they were going to learn sign language & were so excited to start learning. Then, they started asking if they could make Guan Ya friendship bracelets, tie-dyed shirts & signing it, & other girly things she would like. I was speechless! These girls, all under 20, didn't see Guan Ya as being deaf-mute, but as being our daughter & automatically their friend! Wow, many adults cannot see her for that & to think these girls didn't think any other way. These beautiful girls completely realized Guan Ya's special needs & they chatted about things she Could do in school with them. I told them she liked to dance & they were like "Yeap, she will have to be a cheerleader with us" They proceeded to think of ways the cheers could be adapted for Guan Ya to know when to start cheering, etc. Next they talked about going places together & painting nails, fixing hair, & other things girls love to do together! I honestly cried several times last night thinking about how special these girls were to think of our Guan Ya & how they could incorporate her into their lives. It never crossed their mind that she might be different & strange, but rather that she would do things differently & how they could support her! These are Christian girls & they touched my heart in a way they will never understand! They are more mature than some adults & God used them to comfort me when He knew I needed it! Cede, Brittany, & Anna thank you so much for our talk yesterday! I cannot wait to send Guan Ya pictures of you gals & tell her about the special friends awaiting her in the US! You girls are the best & I love you!
In conclusion, I'm not going to live my life with I'da. I'da given Guan Ya a great life. I'da learned sign language. I'da....... No not I'da; I'm gonna! I'm gonna do the things God leads us to. I'da rather not think what would happen if I didn't follow God's direct calling for my life so I'm just going to do it! And that's the Best! The Best is the assurance, peace, guidance that God gives me! I don't have all the answers but He does! I will have hard times (as will everyone) but God will never leave me! I have His promise & I believe on His word!
Thank you Lord for entrusting us to this journey! Help me to forgive as you love us all & no human is perfect! Your love is sufficient! Help me to love others as you love! Forgive me for when I sin! And thank you for all those that have shown "Your Love" toward us! Please be with each of those! Bless their lives as only You can! Move them in the path You have for their lives & each of us for Your glory! Please be with the orphans around the word; I pray that you will touch hearts to give these children homes! I pray that others will show Your love for these less fortunate! I know they are special to You; use me to assist in any way possible for giving them love & homes. For the lost, please use Your words though my writings to reach each of them. I pray for the lost that they will be touched & come to know you! You are the light & the Only way! I love you & I'm so unworthy. I trust you with my life & will go wherever you call. For me, You are all I need to know! Thank you for sending your Son for a flawed individual as I! Niki
Anyone of you or another can walk out on blind faith - it's not easy & others will probably think you are crazy! Blind faith isn't usually about doing what seems sensible; it isn't about having all the answers. And if you do take this leap of faith, He doesn't promise easy & I never expected easy!
Moses tried to bargain & persuade God as he didn't think he was good enough. This wasn't Moses' idea or plan; it was clearly God's plan! Moses' excuses:
I'm a nobody
I don't have all the answers
Someone could do it better
I can't do it
--I definitely related to all the above as we started this mission.
Years may have passed since the time of Moses, but some things haven't - how people try to deal with God's callings!
Guess what? Even with all the excuses, God didn't change his mind with Moses nor us! I don't expect Moses' 40 years in the wilderness was easy either but he fulfilled his ministry! Moses was a man with a calling in his life. Moses had sin & was not perfect! He was called to lead the Israelite out of Egypt. Though Moses, God was fulfilling His purpose Moses was just the chosen one to carry out the mission. We are all called for different missions; we just have to listen, believe, & follow!
What I didn't realize about this journey is that I'd better not take my big girl panties off....not even to wash them....not even a quick hand wash! I guess I'll be showering in these big panties the rest of the days!
I'm going to start with the bad & ugly so I can end on a good note! Maybe That will make me feel better as I sleep!
The things I never thought would happen in this process. I NEVER thought that others would try to sabotage & get our adoption aborted! I mean that honestly never even crossed my mind - maybe I'm naive. I'm not going into specifics about this, but some of the ones you expect to find support & understanding from are the very ones that so shocked me! I cannot believe people will ask to help you & fish for where you need help or your weaknesses only to use your kryptonite to doom your family!
As humans we all tend to say things we shouldn't but wow some of the things cut deep! I've said my fair share of hurtful things & things I shouldn't say. I'm sure I've injected my opinions on "what would be best" for another when I should not have said. I really really try hard not to do this, but I've noticed that the way I word things can sometimes come across the wrong way. I've had several to try & completely discourage us, scare us away, make us feel completely incompetent, & just say plain hateful things about us following God's will.
I've found myself hesitant now to even publicly state we are adopting again - Much less go into details about our amazing & wonderful daughter without first being asked! Don't think for a second that means I'm doubtful or ashamed of our daughter in any way! No WAY NEVER!!! Yes, I still write about it & maybe it's easier for me to articulate with writings as I can use the delete or backspace when I realize I've said something I should not have said.
As I say that, I want you to know that we can handle the truth & "what ifs" & uncertainties of Every detail about adopting our daughter that is older & deaf-mute! We know this is not the easy path! We know that others think we are absolutely crazy! We know others think we are incompetent! All I can think about is this: As long as I'm following my Lord, that is all that matters! I have to answer to Him one day. If you aren't a Christian, I pray for you & I doubt you can understand this "crazy" way of thinking! I pray that you can one day find the peace & understanding that we've found! I've never felt so comfortable & so much harmony - and I've never been so broke (lol)! It's only through Him that we are who we are today!
Something I really try to pray hard about is the things I say to others. When I get hurt by another, I must remember that my tongue can cut deep! I try to think before I take an action, tell another what "I" think they should do, or try to stop something they are doing....especially if they say they were led by God. We are not all led in the same way so there is no way for another to decide where God is leading you! If I cannot be of help in information (I'm not saying only paint the pretty picture - not at all!) or say something nice then I need to remember to say nothing at all if it is only hurtful!
We are all humans so as I feel beat down by the words of others, I continue to remind myself that I am also flawed & God loves everyone of us! I pray for God to help me forgive even if it is not asked for! I will admit that through this process, the ugly darts have been aimed at me which makes it easier for me to forgive & go on! It's when "Momma Bear" comes out that I have a hard time!
God has called us to begin this journey with Guan Ya soooooo if YOU don't agree or don't like it please just don't share it with me. I'm not going to give you a human reasonable answer,because all I can tell you is all I know.......God led us on this path! No matter what others tell us, We are following God's plan anyway. A lot of negativity & discouragement doesn't do anyone any good!
We are absolutely determined to give Guan Ya the very best that is available. That does not mean she will live in a mansion or have the name brand clothing or have all the electronics or most popular "thing". No, but she will have our unconditional love & forever family & she will know about God's love & how Christ has died on the cross for our sins! AND she will have the best that we can give her with language & communication (meaning yes, both she & we will all learn!) Yes, we may be tired, but nope we aren't giving up & we will always put in the time & energy to learn what we need to. It will not happen overnight, but neither did the Arc!
The venomous strikes burn, but God has placed so many more encouraging others in our path! I cannot tell you how many have touched us in our short period of time of announcing our 2nd adoption! I've been astounded at the number of you that have given us wonderful guidance, prayers, references, advice, time, offerings, & most of all - shown love toward us & our Guan Ya! To me, those are the greatest moments & many times, they have brought me to tears as you show your loving cores!
I've had several that would talk to us honestly & openly about what to expect or how things may be! I've had messages/calls of offerings, of prayers, items we could use or that Guan Ya could use - from articles of clothing, snacks, teen magazines, craft supplies, accessories, & more (If I left out something specific that has been offered, I'm getting really tired & appreciate everyone of you more than you could know!) I've had suggestions for help & several that have expressed a great interest in learning sign language.
As I said, I'm getting tired & I guess I should have started with the good & best so I could tire out on the bad, ugly! lol So many have touched us but I would like to share with you one time in particular.
There are 3 very special girls that are a mess I will admit. They are sometimes loud & honest & might embarrass you by stating the truth. However, I've always loved them & admired the ladies they are becoming! This weekend as they were helping & pampering Macy Jade, we began to talk about Guan Ya. They were so excited the more I talked about our precious daughter & the more I told them about what I knew of her. They started telling me how they were going to learn sign language & were so excited to start learning. Then, they started asking if they could make Guan Ya friendship bracelets, tie-dyed shirts & signing it, & other girly things she would like. I was speechless! These girls, all under 20, didn't see Guan Ya as being deaf-mute, but as being our daughter & automatically their friend! Wow, many adults cannot see her for that & to think these girls didn't think any other way. These beautiful girls completely realized Guan Ya's special needs & they chatted about things she Could do in school with them. I told them she liked to dance & they were like "Yeap, she will have to be a cheerleader with us" They proceeded to think of ways the cheers could be adapted for Guan Ya to know when to start cheering, etc. Next they talked about going places together & painting nails, fixing hair, & other things girls love to do together! I honestly cried several times last night thinking about how special these girls were to think of our Guan Ya & how they could incorporate her into their lives. It never crossed their mind that she might be different & strange, but rather that she would do things differently & how they could support her! These are Christian girls & they touched my heart in a way they will never understand! They are more mature than some adults & God used them to comfort me when He knew I needed it! Cede, Brittany, & Anna thank you so much for our talk yesterday! I cannot wait to send Guan Ya pictures of you gals & tell her about the special friends awaiting her in the US! You girls are the best & I love you!
In conclusion, I'm not going to live my life with I'da. I'da given Guan Ya a great life. I'da learned sign language. I'da....... No not I'da; I'm gonna! I'm gonna do the things God leads us to. I'da rather not think what would happen if I didn't follow God's direct calling for my life so I'm just going to do it! And that's the Best! The Best is the assurance, peace, guidance that God gives me! I don't have all the answers but He does! I will have hard times (as will everyone) but God will never leave me! I have His promise & I believe on His word!
Thank you Lord for entrusting us to this journey! Help me to forgive as you love us all & no human is perfect! Your love is sufficient! Help me to love others as you love! Forgive me for when I sin! And thank you for all those that have shown "Your Love" toward us! Please be with each of those! Bless their lives as only You can! Move them in the path You have for their lives & each of us for Your glory! Please be with the orphans around the word; I pray that you will touch hearts to give these children homes! I pray that others will show Your love for these less fortunate! I know they are special to You; use me to assist in any way possible for giving them love & homes. For the lost, please use Your words though my writings to reach each of them. I pray for the lost that they will be touched & come to know you! You are the light & the Only way! I love you & I'm so unworthy. I trust you with my life & will go wherever you call. For me, You are all I need to know! Thank you for sending your Son for a flawed individual as I! Niki
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