Alright, I have a lot to get into this post so let me just get to the basics. :0)
As I said in my previous post we have had adjustments, but we expected that from the beginning. Guan Ya is a beautiful, sweet, precious daughter but she is a tough cookie to break! She is at an odd age of 14 years old; she has not been a part of a family - hence, does not know how to be a daughter or sister; she is in a very new & odd foreign land with new food, new sights, new smells, & NEW, NEW, NEWs everywhere!
On Monday I broke the golden rule that I have read over and over not to do. I know this is so very hard on her & she has not been home very long, but I had seen so many shimmers of light. We almost felt she was scared to be part of the family & that she really just did not understand. To give a few examples, she would often cry if we made her join in on family time, not want to eat with us, push (not physically) her siblings away with no tolerance for their love & attention for her. It was hard because we tried to talk to her and do several things with no real success. After much prayer and discussions with Phil about what we should do about her distance, we just decided to lay it all out.
On Sunday, thanks to Google translate we had a huge in depth discussion that included Phil, Guan Ya & me. It started with the normal "What is going on?"
Guan Ya replied that she did not want to go out and grill hot dogs or play with her siblings or draw on the sidewalk that day. (Please understand she never wanted to try anything new and never wanted to do family time with us.) We explained that we are a family and that in our family we spend time together. We also explained that in life we will sometimes have to do things we did not like but should make the best of it.
She said "O.k." but it was that normal just o.k. so we would leave her alone. Well, those of you that know me know that I have to lay it all out. After some prodding (this was not the first conversation of this nature), I broke the rule (No hate mail please! If this is not right for you/your family wonderful but this is how our family felt we should handle it. I tell it here so others will know what worked for us {thus far}) Our next question was "Do you know what would have happened to you if you remained an orphan in China after your 14th birthday?" Guan Ya's response was "No" We explained that it was unknown but from all research, it was not a promising future.
We explained to her how she was our daughter from the moment we saw her picture. It was explained that from that moment on we had the love for her as a parent has for a child. We told her that when we came home from China with GiGi that we were tired & broke but that she was our daughter so we could not leave her in China. We did not want her to be an orphan in China because she was a daughter- our daughter! For 6 months we did everything possible with our focus on bringing our daughter (her) home. We explained how we loved her more than our lives and would do anything for her. We told her that all of us in the family wanted her to be part of our family as our daughter & sister and all of us agreed she was our family when we started the paper work.
Our conversation was not extremely deep with YaYa but we let her know that love is what brought her to us! We let her know it was not an easy task to get her home but that we would not think twice about doing it again! We've never regretted calling her daughter or the hard work to get her home! We also told her that she owed us nothing but that we wanted her to know how much we loved her and that we wanted her to be part of our family! I told her like us, love us or hate us, she was stuck with us as her family FOREVER!
She had tears in her eyes, but she reached for me with the biggest hug I've ever gotten! Then she reached for Daddy! I think it took that for her to realize that we did not just sign papers and bring her home as if no big deal. It was a break through moment when she realized she was a big deal and that we fought for her to be home! Later we played a game and she sat down before we were ready to play. She laughed so hard that night! At bedtime Guan Ya came into my room and laid down besides me and snuggled up for a while! I'm not sure a snuggle ever felt so good!
YaYa had pushed away her siblings so much that Macy had been coming in our bed or her brother's bottom bunk to sleep. Guan Ya turned on the light before she left my room that night and handed me a message on Google translate. She asked if Macy would come and sleep in her room that night! Boy, oh boy, talk about a happy moment! YaYa had never reached out for her siblings like that! Of course, Macy was ecstatic for Guan Ya to ask her to come in there (it is both of their room with bunk beds)! Those 2 have been inseparable since!
The next morning Guan Ya reached out and gave me another huge hug told me that she had the best night ever the previous night! I asked her if she knew why I got on to her and she responded "No" Me: Because I'm your Mommy and that is what parents do with their kids! Her faced beamed with a smile!
Since Sunday night YaYa has been a different child. I know I have pushed her but I know she is capable of so so much in this life! I know God is the only reason this beautiful child is now our daughter! I know He has great things in store for her and I feel it is my place to push her, support her and help her to have the tools to achieve those things! I don't feel the force from her to push away from us. It was a major break through a layer! She has joined in on all family time with a real smile! We have cooked together and she has joined in without being asked with chores. I know this is the first of many talks we will have but it felt wonderful to feel real love from her! She is joining in our family because she wants to!
I could write on about the many adventures but I need to write about a few more things before I finish. Last Wednesday, I got an email from Martha Mendoza of the AP (Associated Press). I have spent very little time on the internet since we got home from China and the fact that I saw the email and opened it is surprising! When I read it, I honestly thought it was a hoax email. Mrs. Mendoza is writing a story on Google Translate and had come across our journey (I have no idea how!). She wanted to call us and do an interview over the phone to include in her story on how we had utilized Google Translate. Wow, I could not believe she would be interested in us country bumpkins! After reading the email a couple times, I decided we would do the interview. We felt the interview went great and Martha really seemed interested in us! It's our lives so I just think of it as living God's journey for us; it doesn't seem so special to me. We are just doing what we are called to do - no different than anyone else could do. We had been running to doctor appointments and been completely busy so I really haven't had much time to reflect on the magnitude of the AP contacting us. Then, on Monday Phil came in the room and looked like a deer caught in headlights! He said "Well, that was someone from Jackson, MS that works for the AP and he is coming here on Thursday to spend some time with us, take pictures, and get a feel for our family." Me: Huh? What? Really? Wow! (I think it was probably more like Huhwhatreallywow! because I was so blown away!) Phil continued to explain how the researcher/reporter/photographer (sorry I don't know his official title but he is gathering information for Mrs. Mendoza's story) stated he had not been this way for a story in over 10 years. Phil said that "No" was not an answer for him coming because they want to know more about us and find our story intriguing! Sooooooo, tomorrow we have a reporter out of Jackson, MS from the Associated Press coming to spend some time with us. Please pray that God's words and knowledge will flow from us! We have always been behind the scenes kind of people but if this helps to get God's word out, let the world know about the orphan crisis, or cause any good then we will always speak out!
Google Translate guys sent a message to tell us "Hi" and said they were glad to hear how it had really helped us! We have really utilized Google Translate and it has aided us to have a relationship with our daughter before she came home. Since she has been home, it has aided to have deep conversations we could not have otherwise had! We are really grateful for this Free program! We still use sign language and will continue to learn sign language, but it takes time! During the next few years, Google Translate will be an invaluable tool until we are all fluent with ASL!
O.k. for the last bit of news, we will have a dual birthday party for Colt and Guan Ya on Sunday 2pm at Biggersville First Baptist Church. Everyone is welcome to come and celebrate with us and meet our crazy but loving family of 6! If you would like to communicate with Guan Ya, you can download Google Translate for free. Some people have asked what gift to give them. Honestly they need nothing and please do not feel you have to bring a gift to celebrate with us! Some have asked about Guan Ya's size. She has been given some clothes and ummmm....let's just say she has not been Americanized in clothing! lol She is very picky with what she likes in clothes so unless you just really have a deep urge to get her clothing, she would probably enjoy something else. However, we are appreciative of anything! The kids would just enjoy having your company!
As you pray please remember us tomorrow but also please remember my cousin Katie who is YaYa's age and has been in terrible pain! Also, please remember my friend Barbara and her family as they have a family member that has received some crushing news.
Thank you for continuing to follow us through all our journey to follow God's will! Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for us! We are more grateful than you can ever know for being a part of our mission!
As I said in my previous post we have had adjustments, but we expected that from the beginning. Guan Ya is a beautiful, sweet, precious daughter but she is a tough cookie to break! She is at an odd age of 14 years old; she has not been a part of a family - hence, does not know how to be a daughter or sister; she is in a very new & odd foreign land with new food, new sights, new smells, & NEW, NEW, NEWs everywhere!
On Monday I broke the golden rule that I have read over and over not to do. I know this is so very hard on her & she has not been home very long, but I had seen so many shimmers of light. We almost felt she was scared to be part of the family & that she really just did not understand. To give a few examples, she would often cry if we made her join in on family time, not want to eat with us, push (not physically) her siblings away with no tolerance for their love & attention for her. It was hard because we tried to talk to her and do several things with no real success. After much prayer and discussions with Phil about what we should do about her distance, we just decided to lay it all out.
On Sunday, thanks to Google translate we had a huge in depth discussion that included Phil, Guan Ya & me. It started with the normal "What is going on?"
Guan Ya replied that she did not want to go out and grill hot dogs or play with her siblings or draw on the sidewalk that day. (Please understand she never wanted to try anything new and never wanted to do family time with us.) We explained that we are a family and that in our family we spend time together. We also explained that in life we will sometimes have to do things we did not like but should make the best of it.
She said "O.k." but it was that normal just o.k. so we would leave her alone. Well, those of you that know me know that I have to lay it all out. After some prodding (this was not the first conversation of this nature), I broke the rule (No hate mail please! If this is not right for you/your family wonderful but this is how our family felt we should handle it. I tell it here so others will know what worked for us {thus far}) Our next question was "Do you know what would have happened to you if you remained an orphan in China after your 14th birthday?" Guan Ya's response was "No" We explained that it was unknown but from all research, it was not a promising future.
We explained to her how she was our daughter from the moment we saw her picture. It was explained that from that moment on we had the love for her as a parent has for a child. We told her that when we came home from China with GiGi that we were tired & broke but that she was our daughter so we could not leave her in China. We did not want her to be an orphan in China because she was a daughter- our daughter! For 6 months we did everything possible with our focus on bringing our daughter (her) home. We explained how we loved her more than our lives and would do anything for her. We told her that all of us in the family wanted her to be part of our family as our daughter & sister and all of us agreed she was our family when we started the paper work.
Our conversation was not extremely deep with YaYa but we let her know that love is what brought her to us! We let her know it was not an easy task to get her home but that we would not think twice about doing it again! We've never regretted calling her daughter or the hard work to get her home! We also told her that she owed us nothing but that we wanted her to know how much we loved her and that we wanted her to be part of our family! I told her like us, love us or hate us, she was stuck with us as her family FOREVER!
She had tears in her eyes, but she reached for me with the biggest hug I've ever gotten! Then she reached for Daddy! I think it took that for her to realize that we did not just sign papers and bring her home as if no big deal. It was a break through moment when she realized she was a big deal and that we fought for her to be home! Later we played a game and she sat down before we were ready to play. She laughed so hard that night! At bedtime Guan Ya came into my room and laid down besides me and snuggled up for a while! I'm not sure a snuggle ever felt so good!
YaYa had pushed away her siblings so much that Macy had been coming in our bed or her brother's bottom bunk to sleep. Guan Ya turned on the light before she left my room that night and handed me a message on Google translate. She asked if Macy would come and sleep in her room that night! Boy, oh boy, talk about a happy moment! YaYa had never reached out for her siblings like that! Of course, Macy was ecstatic for Guan Ya to ask her to come in there (it is both of their room with bunk beds)! Those 2 have been inseparable since!
The next morning Guan Ya reached out and gave me another huge hug told me that she had the best night ever the previous night! I asked her if she knew why I got on to her and she responded "No" Me: Because I'm your Mommy and that is what parents do with their kids! Her faced beamed with a smile!
Since Sunday night YaYa has been a different child. I know I have pushed her but I know she is capable of so so much in this life! I know God is the only reason this beautiful child is now our daughter! I know He has great things in store for her and I feel it is my place to push her, support her and help her to have the tools to achieve those things! I don't feel the force from her to push away from us. It was a major break through a layer! She has joined in on all family time with a real smile! We have cooked together and she has joined in without being asked with chores. I know this is the first of many talks we will have but it felt wonderful to feel real love from her! She is joining in our family because she wants to!
I could write on about the many adventures but I need to write about a few more things before I finish. Last Wednesday, I got an email from Martha Mendoza of the AP (Associated Press). I have spent very little time on the internet since we got home from China and the fact that I saw the email and opened it is surprising! When I read it, I honestly thought it was a hoax email. Mrs. Mendoza is writing a story on Google Translate and had come across our journey (I have no idea how!). She wanted to call us and do an interview over the phone to include in her story on how we had utilized Google Translate. Wow, I could not believe she would be interested in us country bumpkins! After reading the email a couple times, I decided we would do the interview. We felt the interview went great and Martha really seemed interested in us! It's our lives so I just think of it as living God's journey for us; it doesn't seem so special to me. We are just doing what we are called to do - no different than anyone else could do. We had been running to doctor appointments and been completely busy so I really haven't had much time to reflect on the magnitude of the AP contacting us. Then, on Monday Phil came in the room and looked like a deer caught in headlights! He said "Well, that was someone from Jackson, MS that works for the AP and he is coming here on Thursday to spend some time with us, take pictures, and get a feel for our family." Me: Huh? What? Really? Wow! (I think it was probably more like Huhwhatreallywow! because I was so blown away!) Phil continued to explain how the researcher/reporter/photographer (sorry I don't know his official title but he is gathering information for Mrs. Mendoza's story) stated he had not been this way for a story in over 10 years. Phil said that "No" was not an answer for him coming because they want to know more about us and find our story intriguing! Sooooooo, tomorrow we have a reporter out of Jackson, MS from the Associated Press coming to spend some time with us. Please pray that God's words and knowledge will flow from us! We have always been behind the scenes kind of people but if this helps to get God's word out, let the world know about the orphan crisis, or cause any good then we will always speak out!
Google Translate guys sent a message to tell us "Hi" and said they were glad to hear how it had really helped us! We have really utilized Google Translate and it has aided us to have a relationship with our daughter before she came home. Since she has been home, it has aided to have deep conversations we could not have otherwise had! We are really grateful for this Free program! We still use sign language and will continue to learn sign language, but it takes time! During the next few years, Google Translate will be an invaluable tool until we are all fluent with ASL!
O.k. for the last bit of news, we will have a dual birthday party for Colt and Guan Ya on Sunday 2pm at Biggersville First Baptist Church. Everyone is welcome to come and celebrate with us and meet our crazy but loving family of 6! If you would like to communicate with Guan Ya, you can download Google Translate for free. Some people have asked what gift to give them. Honestly they need nothing and please do not feel you have to bring a gift to celebrate with us! Some have asked about Guan Ya's size. She has been given some clothes and ummmm....let's just say she has not been Americanized in clothing! lol She is very picky with what she likes in clothes so unless you just really have a deep urge to get her clothing, she would probably enjoy something else. However, we are appreciative of anything! The kids would just enjoy having your company!
As you pray please remember us tomorrow but also please remember my cousin Katie who is YaYa's age and has been in terrible pain! Also, please remember my friend Barbara and her family as they have a family member that has received some crushing news.
Thank you for continuing to follow us through all our journey to follow God's will! Thank you for everything you have done and continue to do for us! We are more grateful than you can ever know for being a part of our mission!
I don't think there is ever really a golden rule. When Erin first came home and after the honeymoon, things became very difficult, there were probably things that I said that probably shouldnt have said. We didn't use google translator as Erin didn't know Chinese writing very well. Our biggest help was getting Erin into therapy. She has been in it now for 16 months, and the last 3 or 4 months she has really learned how use different words to express her feeling and not just mad, sad and happy, she is learning so much. I am glad that things are helping. I hope things continue to improved. You know how to get a hold of me if you need anything
ReplyDeleteBeautiful! We have just been home with our 6 year old for 3 months....I can relate to having to "lay it all out."!! What a blessing your daughter is, thank you for being obedient and changing lives! God bless your interview, may He continue to you use for His glory!! Kim
ReplyDeleteLove, love, love your honesty! We love your family! Do what your gut tells you and follow your instincts! God is blessing your family so much and you deserve it!
ReplyDeleteFound this post via someone mentioning it on FB. I think we should have 'layed it all' before we did. I believe our 10y.o. at adoption only realized what adoption involved when we did paperwork for his little sister 2 years later. He examined the papers and asked if we did the same for him. I pulled his dossier and showed him. Won't say it solved all our problems, but like you, it left him know it wasn't a whim on our part.
ReplyDelete